How I went from What the Hell to It is Well.

 How I went from What the Hell to It is Well.

 

The final chapter of 2020~ December.

 

The month which is normally marked with the holiday rush, twinkling of lights, celebrations, and an overall feeling that you want to hold onto well into the new year....instead came in like a wrecking ball leaving me feeling flatlined and stuck. 

 

Over the past couple of weeks, the words to a popular song have echoed in my head:

 

"I don’t really wanna try today, I see nothing in my reflection

I’m a little bit dry today, feel like I could die today

 

…. I couldn’t even cry today, I think my heart is finally broken

 Didn’t need a reason why today, I don’t need a reason why today.

 

Five Finger Death Punch has a song entitle, “Little Bit Off Today”

 

Before I go any further, let me rewind reality a little bit, so you can understand storms will come 

and 

how I went from  What the Hell to It is Well.

   

 

November 2020 was a month which was marked with change.  

I am not just talking about changing one mask for another, but 

rather a change of heart and direction.  

 

After leaving a heart reaction on a friend’s Facebook post, I received a private message with an invitation to step outside of my comfort zone.  Of course, I let the message sit there for a while I worked through the initial panic attack, conversation with God, and eventual surrender to His will. 

 

I shared this experience with a couple of people who have become part of my circle.

  

Please know these individuals are in my circle not because they say what I want them to say, but because they say what HE wants them to say.  

I am learning that is a character trait that I value more in my friends than those

who say what they think I want to hear.

 

Moving on…

One of these individuals mentioned something along the lines of God may have a different calling for my life.  I know my response was awkward because everything I felt inside was awkward.  It is a hard feeling to explain, but I am confident you have experienced it too.   

 

My response to this feeling is usually to avoid eye contact, try to maintain a smile (which typically just goes awkward), struggle with my response, and often I scuff…OUTLOUD!

 

The second individual made a comment about me running.  Me? … Running? 

 

Let me go down a rabbit trail again to tell you how much I love the ladies in my circle.  

If any other person would have said that to me or about me in front of another person, I would have went flaming blue on them, took it personally, and locked myself in my office so I could cry.  But knowing that this person also speaks Black & White… just spoken in Blue.  I knew it was God’s words being spoken through her.   

 

I was running... and have been for a while. 

 

The thought of running from God’s will for my life bothered me, so I took another small step of surrender and changed the name of my blog.  

Black and White~ Spoken in Blue.

I finally felt like everything was falling into place for me to take that next step.  

 

However, in my mind, I had one more item which needed to be checked off my list before I could begin writing post which hopefully… would help others. 

 

Long story short, a conversation which started with the best of intentions ultimately ended with the feeling of “What the Hell” just happened here!

 

I am sure I am not the only one this has happened to.   

 

I would love to tell you that I delighted myself at the table the Lord prepared for me in the presence of my enemies…. but I didn’t.  In fact, I felt very alone and broken. 

 

I would love to tell you that I wrote this awesome blog post which made every communication and action since that conversation make sense…. but I didn’t. 

 

I would love to tell you that by being still and waiting on the Lord that everything is fixed …. but I can’t.

 

What I can tell you is...

I have asked the Lord many questions.

Some of the answers are not what I had hoped for, but rather what I needed so I could move forward with his calling.   

I have tried my best to be still and wait… and I am sure even in my attempts to do so, I have made mistakes…. but he understands and meets me where I am. 

 

And a song that I have felt led to write a blog about for a long time but could never find the right words...became very clear this morning when God spoke. 

 

It began in the shower.  With a water drop which should look very familiar to an image which is attached to the new name of my blog.  I have attached a picture to this post. 

 

Immediately, I listened to his voice and turned off my music and searched for the sermon from last Sunday.  

I am attaching the link here: https://youtu.be/uZnd_-0JzVA

 

Until the day I die, I will always say God has a plan for everything that happens.

 

…And although some would argue about techniques, I am here to say that the walls came down when Perry Noble made the statement regarding how to turn your What the Hell into It is Well. 

 

Why?  

What the Hell is exactly how I felt for the past couple of weeks. Even more important, the song It is Well has been my ‘go to’ song when I need to feel the presence of the Lord and peace.  

And God knew this.  

And even though I have avoided listening to this song over the past couple of weeks because, from my perspective, it has not been well …God knew when Pastor P made this connection, the walls would come down, I would be able to hear his voice, and then I would be able to move forward with his will. 

 

You can call it whatever you want, but I know God was speaking to me…

 

“See what I’ve given you?

Safe passage as you walk on snakes and scorpions, and protection from every assault of the Enemy.

No one can put a hand on you.

All the same, the real triumph is not in your authority of evil, but in God’s authority over you and presence with you.

Not what you do for God

but what God does for you- that’ the agenda for rejoicing.”

Luke 10- The Message. 

 

 

And now…

I understand that my choices will not be perfect…. my life will not be perfect… and there will be times when from my perspective things will not seem well.  

 

But I am free from the rules which often mislead people to think that what I do for God will make things well or that I have to do everything right for God to use me.

 

Instead, I know that I must remain open to hearing his voice and then following his purpose for my life.  And even though the storms will come… because they will come... 

 

It is what God does for me…. and through me that allows me to say It is Well.

 

In 2021, my prayer will be that the words in my blog will allow others to experience the presence of God.

 

For in his presence… I know…It is Well.

 

https://youtu.be/YNqo4Un2uZI

 

 

Grander earth has quaked before
Moved by the sound of His voice
And seas that are shaken and stirred
Can be calmed and broken for my regard

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well, with me

Far be it from me to not believe
Even when my eyes can't see
And this mountain that's in front of me
Will be thrown into the midst of the sea

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well, it is well

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name

So let go my soul and trust in Him
The waves and wind still know His name
The waves and wind still know His name

And it is well
With my soul (sing it out)
It is well
With my soul
It is well
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul (sing it out, it is well)

Oh, it is well (it is well)
With my soul (because of who You are Lord)
Oh, it is well
With my soul
It is well (oh)
With my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul (sing it out, it is well)
It is well, it is well with my soul (it is well, it is well)
It is well, it is well with my soul

And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And through it all, through it all
It is well, Lord
And through it all, through it all
My eyes are on You
And it is well with me